I did receive many helpful messages during my year of Living Oprah that I will continue (I hope) for my lifetime. And while I learned lessons for which I'm grateful, there were less positive ramifications for me. The one that looms over me, even though the experiment is over, is that I continue to be really self-conscious about my physical appearance, my body, my clothes. Everytime I get dressed, I can't help but think, "Does this make me look old, or fat, or out of style?" and "What must other women think of me? Could I be ambushed on the street today for what I'm wearing, urged into a head-to-toe makeover?" The weird thing is, I love watching many of the makeovers on Oprah. They're fun. The people who are transformed seem to glow afterward. And yet, without realizing it, I've been feeling less and less confident.
So, the following video is my own response to my state of mind. Let me know what you think.
I am off to get dressed with my head held a little higher.
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32 comments:
Very cool! I will cut the tags out of my clothes too. Luckily I was sick of all my clothes and just donated most of them to Goodwill so I won't have many tags to cut...waiting until I lose some weight to buy new clothes....UGH!
The best thing you can wear is your own skin. And learn to be comfortable in it.
I am likely not the best person to talk about this, as Mr. Fashionable I am not, nor do I want/aspire to be. But how you look is very overrated. Sometimes I do care. But most of the time I just make a perfunctory effort (meaning I make sure it isn't horrible looking).
The way I see it... it can be viewed a lot like cooking meals. Once in a while, for whatever reason, most people will an effort to make a great meal... but most of the time you go through the motions of just making/ordering something quick and descent. [a small sliver will just have to bake a great meal every single time, and another small sliver will consistently order take-out spaghetti, even though it is, literally, the easiest meal in the world to make. Can't do much about either group, and wouldn't want to be like either one.]
So that's how I view my appearance. Once in a great while — if I have an important meeting, a big date with the warden, or am speaking in front of a group — I'll shave very close, pick out a nice shirt/tie combo and dapper pants, maybe even spray on some Drakkar. But most of the time, jeans and a shirt (often a t-shirt), do me just plain fine.
And I have no problems being happy with how I look.
Livingoprah, I think you look young, thin and beautiful, but even if you didn't look so good, it wouldn't matter because you are a happily married successful author who has achieved the goals you wanted to reach, and you got where you are by using your brains not your looks.
However the horrible truth is that for a lot of women, not looking thin, young and stylish, could mean the difference between not getting hired for a job they'd be happy in or not getting a promotion they deserve on the merits or not catching the eye of a potential partner.
Thus I think a certain amount of anxiety over ones appearance is probably adaptive given that we are a species that has evolved to judge one another based on looks. So while it sounds great to promote the idea that looks don't matter, this message could backfire for a lot of people if they are lulled into a false sense of security about their appearance.
I also wonder if it's even possible to program ourselves to not care about looks, or if our obsession with looking young is programmed into our evolution; men who were attracted to youthful women passed on that hereditary preference because such women are more fertile and spread such mens’ genes (and the preference for youth they code for), and women who worried about their looks (and thus made themselves more attractive to men) mated more frequently and passed on that hereditary self-consciousness to their female descendants. I don't think you’re going to reverse 200,000 years of human evolution by cutting off some tags.
Good for you! Women's clothing sizes are totally meaningless. I sometimes cut the tags out too, but not always because I like to know what size I bought in case I decide that shirt or pants are awesome and I want them in a different color. For me it is about if the clothes make me look cute and not like a mannish football player or an overstuffed sausage. When I try on clothes (I'm on the line going up to the women's sizes) I tell myself, "I'm cute, it's these clothes that are ridiculous."
Remember when short, tight, cropped tops were all the rage? Those were dark days...
If there is anything to be learned from all the makeover shows it's that everyone looks terrible in some clothes, regardless of the size. Cute, flattering clothes are to be found at any size and they do not have to be expensive.
I agree with More Power, that how someone presents herself guides how she is perceived, but I don't think it matters that much if she is 205 pounds or 120 pounds. It is about inner confidence. Cutting out the tags isn't really an expression of "not caring how we look" it's getting rid of an external thing that can make us feel bad.
I just read your interview Living Oprah For A Year - Forbes.com Thank you for being so candid and sharing your insights...
I LOVE this idea! I am also really attached to my clothing sizes as someone who has lost a significant amount of weight in my lifetime. I have my smaller sized jeans in my closet still, even though I currently don't fit in to them. In a small way, I feel like a failure every time I put on the bigger jeans I've had to buy. I'm not sure I'm ready to cut out my tags yet, but I'm so proud of you for doing it!
I am lucky that I have never had a weight problem. I am basically the same 'size' as I was when I was 25 which is size...?? well I couldn't say the SIZE. I am the same height and weight as I was then, albiet it has shifted around as I approach 60! What I do know is that I have the full range of 'sizes' in my closet. Sizes do not run true. I am usually somewhere in the 7,8,9,10 range. Not to say that sometimes I need an 11 or a 6. Plenty of S, M, and L items too. Just depends on lots of stuff; cut, brand, style, all sorts of stuff. It is frustrating for sure, but just realize sizes lie. Let it go. You are looking great!
I have been reading your blog for a while now, and I have to say that today's blog and video really hit me where I live. I haven't ever been one to subscribe to the size monster as I call it. I have all ranges of sizes in my closet, and I try very hard not to look at the size tags when I go to pull something out to wear. Every once in a while I will though, I admit.
I lost 187 pounds a few years ago, in 2001-2002, and then I was constantly looking at the tags because almost every day something would not fit that fit just a few days ago! So it was exciting to see the changes in sizes each week.
Thank you so much for posting this video today. I really needed it. I don't know if I have the guts to cut all the tags out, but I will think about it. That is more than I was thinking about this morning.:)
Linda
Hey Robyn (I still have the urge to call you LO sometimes).
Anyway, I just wanted to say, I think there has never been a time when I have seen your picture or seen you on TV or seen you on your videos and analyzed what you were wearing. :-)
Also, I think we're opposites... I couldn't tell you a thing about most of my clothes in actual numbers. I am aware that I have saved some things because they don't fit and I hope they do again "someday". That said, I can't exactly relate to your new battle, but I do appplaud it. ;-)
Love, Judes
Here is the thing. I am normally around a size 12. I don't really ever look at myself as being fat, or over-weight, well till I see other people anyways, other girls. I'm 19, and every girl I know HATES the way she looks. I have friends much smaller than me telling me how fat they are. The size shouldn't matter, if you're healthy, and happy with yourself, good for you. Every woman is beautiful. I hope one day I can find my confidence and be happy with whatever size I am. Kudos to you. :)
Please don't thank me about leaving a message expressing my thoughts, because frankly i feel that i am the only person that feels that u are a freak. get a life and stop following oprahs.
Cut the size tags out? No way!!
Last year I went from a size 16+ down to a size 6 via healthy eating and exercise. I'm fit, healthy, trim, and everything I wanted to be. Those tags are a little celebration of a year of hard work, and remind me of what I need to do to maintain the achievement. My goal in weight loss was just to be healthy. I would have been just as happy staying heavier if I could have done so and been healthy.
I spent most of my life on the other end of the scale, and frankly, the bigger size tags didn't cause shame or self-criticism. But I like the small numbers better! :)
Nevertheless, I think I understand your motivation to cut out the tags, and I applaud how you set yourself free from the tyranny of self-judgment. It makes me want to examine my own life to identify what I do to limit myself.
Thanks for a thoughtful post!
Robyn! I was so thrilled to see your book featured in the SAIC alumni columns. Congratulations on your perseverance, your sense of self and the many accomplishments that have accompanied this great journey.
I worked at a Nordtrom for a bit in the women's departent. The ain thing I learned about fashion is that you are not a size. You are not a number. There are so many designers out there and their fittings are just as varried. Just because you are a large in one designer, doesn't mean you are a large in every designer. Sizes just help to get closer to your fit. If it still doesn't quite fit, take it to a seamstress. I am glad you are taking the sizes out of your clothes. More women should!
I just saw you on Bonnie Hunt and I think that your book (and this site) is a brilliant idea. Good luck with book sales and life!
I saw you on Bonnie Hunt today and checked out your blog. I'm going out to get your book now. Very interesting! I'm just starting a blog on my weight loss journey from 400 pounds. If you're interested, you can find it at www.fitness400.blogspot.com. Thanks! B
Just finished the book yesterday, and came racing to find your blog - going tag-free is a genius idea. All my clothes end up being different sizes anyway, because of my shape / proportions...
Btw, I have to thank you for introducing me to the word "schlumpadinka," which I have wholeheartedly adopted. One of the things I promised myself after I turned 30 (I will be 37 this year) was that I would wear whatever the hell I wanted, and anybody who didn't like it could take a hike. All the clothes I own make me feel sexy as hell because they're comfy AND suit my personal sense of style. My best friend is mortified, and keeps threatening to send me on "What Not To Wear," but I think she's secretly jealous...
Keep up the fabulous work!!
Leigh Anne
I saw you on Bonnie Hunt today and had to come check out your blog!
I love the idea of cutting out tags, and it's much harder than one would think! I'm currently recovering from an eating disorder and have a pair of jeans from when I was thinner. I've had to gain weight to be healthier, those jeans definitely don't fit like they used to, yet I was still saving them as a trophy. The tag and number represented so much more than what it's there for. Because it was a lower number, it made me feel bad that I am now "fatter." So I chopped it off and am making the jeans into an art project. It's scary to know I'll never wear them again but it's also freeing.
It's crazy how one number can hold so much power. We forget about vanity sizing, different cuts, different brands, different fabric, whatever. A friend suggested to put tape over the size while trying on clothes in the store. I haven't tried it yet, but I've also been in the dressing room with something great, only to feel horrible after looking at the size.
The same goes for numbers on the scale, too.
Good for you, Robyn! There's a woman I see on my bus daily who is beautiful, amazing and ALWAYS so well put together that in my mind I have named her "Real Simple" like the magazine. It can be cold, rainy and miserable outside and she always looks like she stepped out of the pages of that magazine with put together fabulous Wellington boots, a chic rain jacket, perfect hair, the whole bit... while I'm in my jeans and hiking boots from college. Anyway, we're so hard on ourselves whether it's trying to fit a number or trying to fit in a real or imagined expectation of what we 'should be' - I applaud your effort to trust yourself more about what feels good for you!
Dear Living Oprah,
I've been really impressed and inspired by your blog. Though it started off as a joke, I have been doing Tyra Banks' advice for a couple of weeks now. I don't know how the project will turn out, but I hope it goes well, for me personally. Your idea is awesome and I've enjoyed reading your blog.
I, too, have been attached to clothing sizes, and I see my sister doing the same thing. I used to get very upset when I didn't fit into a certain size, and not buy the item. Years later, I do NOT care all about the size of the item. I'm hoping that Tyra Banks will empower me to feel more confident about my body.
Here's to you and to my new project!
Thank you and good luck,
Living Tyra
I am the #1 Blahaholic and I want to invite you and your readers to a challenge that will not only be fun but therapeutic. When you buy new clothes and you get ready to wear them, take a picture of yourself in the clothes, then cut the tag off and paste the picture of yourself along with the tag on a big poster board and underneath it put 1-2 words of how you are feeling at that moment. At the end of 6 months your board should be filled and you can keep that board as a constant reminder of what you look like and how you felt at the size that you were on that day, so when you buy clothes in the future, keep the tags on and compare what you feel on that day and compare it to a piece on the poster board. Otherwise, you may find yourself forever cutting off tags and not realizing how special you are, no matter what size you are and finding out that the exact size at that exact moment has made you be successful in mind, body, and soul. I really think this is living one of Oprah's moments in life. I will also include this in my blog to see if I have any of my readers interested in this challenge.
Being a nudist and long time member of www.aanr.com I have very few clothes to cut tags out of. I own a place at a clothing optional resort so clothing is so low on my priority list of things to worry about.
Shirley Gauthier
Oregon
I love this idea! I have always struggled with body issues and have also not gotten something just because I too didn't want to bring home a size that I deemed unworthy. It's a slow process but I hope to one day be very happy in my own skin, no matter the reflection.
Hmmm. Right on time. I just bought dresses yesterday (granted 2 sizes bigger than they were last year) to compensate for the dress slacks that ride between my thighs when I walk.
I haven't cut the tags on the clothes but you better believe I won't take a second look at them! I will ignore them as if they weren't there.
I'm going to spread the word and tell you that you're beautiful regardless!
Godspeed.
I guess out of sight out of mind. I have tried this method before but it only last for a short time. I would have to say being comfortable with yourself is the BEST thing we all can learn to do and learn to LOVE who we are TODAY. And not some distance person we will become one day.
This is perhaps the stupidest, most pointless exercise I've ever seen. First of all, everyone knows that sizes are ridiculously deflated these days to make women feel better. I've been a true size 6 since college, but in the past 10 years or so I'm suddenly a size 2 or 4. Manufacturers do this so women (like you) will buy more clothes. Any retail person will concur that this is true. So I hate to tell you, you probably are not really a size 8 at all. Secondly, it is so selfish because when your clothes end up in a secondary market (at a thrift shop, the Goodwill, etc.) whoever wants to buy them won't know what size they are. It's just a really lame thing to do.
while I understand where you are coming from with regard to women and their body insecurities...I think perhaps your time could have been better spent.Do you volunteer?
We feel better about ourselves by giving of our time to others. Perhaps the next time you want to clear a bit of your life of the burden of being tied to a society that holds thin as the ideal, you should donate some time to talking to young girls about idealized perfection (ala Oprah's life and her professing of all that is "living your best life", who does she think she is, really?)
Just a thought...
Clearly here the "number" represents to you what is exceptable. The fact that you cried in the dressing room is proof alone that you belived (consciencely or unconsciencly) that being overwieght is wrong and Bad. That fact is that it is slighly unhealthy and dangerous but so are many things we do (drive a car, eat RbgH positive meat, smoke..etc) and yet those things aren't self labeling. When people get into a car knowing the risks, no one snickers quitly about how disgusting they are! The media and social standards value 'super thinness' because it's rare...just like they would value "plumpness" if it were rare. This idea that the human bodys shapeliness should be dictated by a fluid idea of what is beautiful is obsered and at best shallow. It's a trivial persuit and not worth all the countless hours we worry about it!!
Just saw your interview on CNBC- The Oprah Effect. This idea of sizes...numbers...letters that affect our self worth is mind boggling. I'm a clothing designer and I decided from the beginning not to include sizes on my labels or hangtags. I put the measurements of the bust, waist, hips and length. I'm a size "2", a vintage size "10", a Small, Medium, and Large depending on the label and it's all meaningless. Vanity sizing is all about making women feel "worthy". Let's focus more on how the clothing fits our body and how we feel when we wear it. So...cut the labels out if that helps...or leave them in and defy them to label us.
Question.... why does Levi's have to STAMP their size on the OUTSIDE of their jeans! First off I cant exactly cut that off and if I did, everyone would know I did it and THEN Id have an even Bigger (no pun intended) complex than I do now!
Does Levi's WANT everyone to know im a size - -?
Is Levi telling us to be ok with whatever size we wear, so we should just stamp it on there for god and everone to see? well god already knows. but, i digress... hmm Perhaps its an exercise in self-esteem and Ive got it all wrong about their intended purpose... do they have a purpose for doing that... ? hmmmm
I have so many questions... so little time...
My questions is NOT on whether to cut the size out of my jeans or not.... but more so... How will i know WHICH jeans fit when I wake up late for work one day and have to throw something on and I have NO IDEA what size anything is.... causing confusion, and of course, more LATENESS on my part.
I think I need a way to PASTE some time management skills into my life and NOT cut anything out...... well maybe tags that ARE on the outside of my clothing,... hmmmm
oh yes, I have digressed at this point. :(
Thanks for letting me share my nutty point of view.
But Levis, really?
Great Job on the blog and livingoprah! Keep it up, but DONT break the bank trying to live like the Jones' , cause they moved out long ago..... at least they moved out of Portland, long ago!!!
Peace, Aloha, and well being to you and yours! ~
LeLinda Bourgeois
(a small but simple nut) ;)
I just finished your book and enjoyed it although I think the concept was a little "out there". I cannot believe that amount of money you spent on stuff just because Oprah said you should - and to endure Celine (from a Canadian here) is just not worth any amount of research.
I disagree with the clothing tag thing. I mean you know the size when you buy the item. Is cutting the tag out really going to FOOL you? I look at the size when I buy it, not each time I put it on. I'm not stupid, I know the size I bought.
Kind of like changing the clock to 20 mins earlier - I know I did this, so I can hit the snooze a couple extra times - it doesn't make me get up any earlier.
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