My husband left for work this morning during today's Oprah episode about sex. He heard the word "homework" - as in, I'd have to do whatever sexual assignment was given later in the show - and he very kindly offered to call in sick to stay home with me. What a nice guy, huh? Such an selfless angel.
First and foremost, I was thrilled to tiny bits and pieces that a guest on the show (sexpert Dr. Laura Berman) finally had the wherewithal to tell Oprah it's better to call female genitalia by its proper name, rather than by "vajayjay." As many of you know, that cutsie-pie term is like nails on a chalkboard for me. I think it was one of my happiest moments to hear Oprah say vulva on today's show. Woohoo! Go Team Vulva!
I thought today's show was good. More open and daring than the usual daytime fare on the subject of sexual matters. The husband/wife duo that we watched go through sex therapy were awesome. I'm so impressed they made themselves so vulnerable. I don't think I'd have the guts to do that. Or, more accurately, I might do it, but Jim's head would fall off and roll under the couch if I asked him to be so open and public. And I don't have the guts to retrieve his head out from under the sofa. There's dustbunnies under there.
If you watch the show, when you heard "Ok, everybody today, you're gonna get a homework assignment, too...." were you titillated? I was looking forward to hearing what was going on my list. And yes. I said titillated.
I'm going to have my husband watch this episode. It's all well and good for ME to have reviewed or received all this information, but hey, this is a partnership, afterall. I don't think it'll take too much arm twisting, frankly.
I really saw myself in Deb, the wife in the sex-counseled couple, when she and her husband went out on the Surrender Date. Jim and I tried this once. I was just like her, I couldn't completely let myself allow Jim total control of our "date." I critiqued a lot of what he chose. Seeing another woman behave in the same way, made me feel a bit ashamed, but it really opened my eyes. I was encouraged to talk to Jim and see if he'd be up for another try. I have a hard time turning off the Superwoman switch, but I think it'll make our marriage stronger if I take off the pants every now and then. And I am talking about the leadership pants, not the sexy pants.
So, if you haven't seen the show, you might wonder what the homework assignments are. First, each day we're meant to kiss our partner for 10 seconds. Pecking doesn't count. Actual 10 second quality kissing, starting tonight. Sounds like a good one. Our second assignment is to look at our genitals. Get yourselves a hand mirror, ladies, and start checking yourself out. (Note: I frequently take pictures in order to record my Living Oprah assignments...this one will go unphotographed. Much to your relief, I'm sure.) I wonder if Oprah is going to do this.
Oh, and Oprah did say to us (repeating Dr. Berman's advice), "Love your vulva." I'm going to put this on my to-do list. Seriously.
Oprah made some funny jokes today, too. Not the giggly, embarrassed-sounding comments that she sometimes makes to ease tension during shows on sex. Actual laugh-out-loud jokes. I think in general she's been funnier this season. I've never found her particularly hilarious in past years. I don't expect her to be - she's an inquisitive talk show host, not a standup comedian. Still, this season, I've found her sense of humor particularly refreshing. I like it when she's not as guarded and we get to see more of her personality. The only thing that was odd was when she used her Tarzan yell to say, "G-Spot!" I'm concerned that when I do my hand-mirror homework assignment, I will hear the echo of Oprah's voice bellowing "G-Spot!" over and over and over again in my mind.
I really hope this topic continues to be a regular one on the show. I hope it doesn't get dropped like the Best Life Challenge did. I do like Dr. Berman. She is so adamant about us not being ashamed of our bodies or our sexuality. Good for her and good for us.
Go Team Vulva!
Monday, November 3, 2008
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37 comments:
Didn't every woman get the mirror out when "Fried Green Tomatoes" came out?
In all seriousness, I think it's a good idea to get the mirror out every so often and make sure everything is the same.
Ah, heck. Now I've got to go reprogram my DVR! I can't miss being a part of team Vulva!! ;-)
hey LMS - i agree - we look at our skin and watch it like a hawk...why not keep a careful eye on every part of our anatomy? i never saw FGT, by the way.
kerry, you are hilarious. get TiVo'ing!
xoLO
Hi LO,
I'm finally caught up with the past comments, and I wasn't aware until yesterday about your new spinal issues. Kudos to you for going forward with this project in the face of the pain you have been suffering, and now the brace. You're a stronger woman than I am.
And kudos to Oprah for going through these sex shows like she does in light of her history. Facing that kind of stuff in public has to be 10x harder than facing it privately, and she does it over and over again. I like to believe reading your blog helped her to overcome her "vajayjay" habit. What do you think?
paula, you are so nice. i think the thing i always keep in mind is that everyone has difficulties in life. mine just happen to be physical. (easy for me to say when i'm having a low-pain day! LOL!) you are always so good at bringing up past experience that oprah has to overcome to do these shows. thanks for always reminding us! oh, and to the question you asked...i don't actually think oprah's read the site, so i'm not sure if i'm having any impact. i feel like it'd be too ego-driven for me to assume my project has impact on the big O. but whatever's changed her "vajayjay" ways, i'm grateful! xoLO
I didn't see the show but did Oprah hand out mirrors as a prize to all studio participants? That would have been funny.
muchka, LOL! nope. BUT - if it had been the Tyra show, everyone would have gotten a mirror! xoLO
Tyra would have had everyone sneak a peek during the commercial break!
I'll never forget her "moisturize the breasts!" show, because I took her advice and found a lump, which turned out to be a harmless waterfilled cyst, but still....
It was a great show today! I loved that couple and I thought the doctor was great when she didn't back down under Oprah's pressure to condone the term "vajayjay".
I think that maybe the people who don't know where their parts are should do the mirror thing, but really, do the rest of us have to do that? I know what I look like down there and it really isn't information that I find particularly empowering...
That whole thing about the control/surrender issues, multi-tasking, and letting your husband be in charge was great.
I am a fan, what a novel and creative idea. However, in the vernacular, keep it real! Oprah might not read it, but her "people" obviously do. Why else did you get the Kindle with a personal note about the cost? I hope you will go back to the modest blogger with real insight instead of continuing to think ahead to the book deal.
paula, brill. totally! and that is an amazing story about the lotion/breasts. was that tyra's intent? or was it really about moisturizing?
iamsusie, i really liked that doc, too. very impressive, grounded. you made me think about how i spend most of my 'tweens looking at myself with a hand mirror. what can i say, i was fascinated! LOL! (i know, i know, TMI)
anon, it's true - her 'people' could be reading. i thought the kindle probably came because they caught wind of me on the today show, to be honest, rather than from reading my blog everyday. what makes you think i've lost modesty, i'm curious? i've been thinking a lot about this lately, because if anything, i feel smaller than ever after all the press. the loss of anonymity is uncomfortable. i hadn't expected it at all (the attention OR my reaction to it). i'm grateful...SO crazily grateful....for this project, for the readers, even for the media's interest, but there's something about it all that's become so emotional, so exhausting, that if anything, i feel as if it's humbling me in a really intense (sometimes painful) way. so, i'd love to hear how i'm giving the idea that i feel the opposite. please share!
thanks so much!
xoLO
LO,
Thanks for the smile! This post was great.
Tyra was all about the moisturizing. The show was about how to wash your face and look really young and supple at all times. Her secret step is to extend the moisturizer all the way down, so your bra doesn't chafe you. It really works! It does make you feel young and supple, although when I looked in the mirror, I was still 48.
dawn-michelle, cool beans. well, you've made me smile frequently with your comments and emails, so i'm glad i could return the favor!
paula, you got a full bellied laugh out of me, there. 48 indeed! clearly you need to get a new mirror!
xoLO
LO, love this post. "vajayjay" has always made me feel slightly ill-at-ease. I'm glad someone stood up for the correct name! On a side note: Two friends with kids recently told me how they were having a hard time curbing their small kids' language: the kids heard a friend saying "vagina," and the kids picked up on it, but the parents were aghast -- and wanted their kids to say "la-la," not "vagina." Yikes!
EB - oy! la-la?! imagine the kids' embarrassment when they have to sing Deck The Halls in the school xmas pageant this year?! omg - when i was a girl, i was taught to call everything my "area" - as in, did you wash your area when you took your bath tonight? i adore my mom, as most of you have read, but she might have missed the mark on that one. sorry mom!
xoLO
I was taught to say "penis" "vagina" "urinate" and "BM" for bowel movement. My brother didn't really like BM because those are his initials.
LO!
commercial break here on the "left" coast and i had to log on & see how happy you'd be re: the genitalia lesson. i thought i heard a 'hurrah' earlier today! must have been you...lol
Are you going to continue to be sp hypercritical of Oprah? I agree with the anonymous commenter. You got your book deal...
iamsusie, that is so funny. i wouldn't be so thrilled if i were your brother, either!
mtv, haha! i can't believe anyone heard that!
anon, this is a critical project - of oprah, of myself, of the media, of the way we women get sucked into following icons and get drawn away from trusting our guts. so, in all honestly, i'm not going to stop being critical of anyone. myself included. i think questioning and asking "WHY?" is one of the most powerful tools we have and when we stop using that right, we become complacent and become numbed by the status quo. you'll also notice, i have really positive things to say about oprah too. i'm sure there are folks who probably think i say too many nice things. i'm never going to make everyone happy, so the best i can do is say what i feel and share the platform so you can add your own thoughts as well.
thanks y'all!
xoLO
Our local broadcaster cut the audio feed when Dr. Berman first showed her diagram with labeled body parts. I kept cranking up the volume to no avail. Someone at the station flipped the audio switch back on when my volume control was at its loudest, so my neighbors heard, "...AND THAT'S YOUR VULVA!" before I could lower the sound to a normal level. If you knew my neighbors it would be particularly humorous.
And I agree with you - vajayjay has got to go.
Great blog, by the way!
OMG anon, that's sit-com-perfect timing. love it. i think in the sit-com, your elderly neighbor (who i just made up) would do a big spit take and her golden retriever would cover his ears with his paws.
xoLO
Hi, LO! Greetings all the way from sunny Malaysia.
The sexy, leadership pants stuff: one of the funniest thing I've ever heard! I imagine you have Jim laughing himself off the sofa everyday.
gohu, too cool! i've never heard from anyone from Malaysia. if you have a moment to write, i'd love to know how the heck you heard of this site! and do you watch oprah? so, i asked jim if living with me is a laugh-a-minute-joy-ride. he looked a me a bit blankly. clearly, he was overwhelmed with joy, he was SPEECHLESS. so, yes - you're right - he thinks i'm hilarious. thanks so much for writing! xoLO
I think any woman who has been given a guided tour by her gyno should get a pass on the mirror thing. "There, at 9 o'clock...that's a cyst, nothing to worry about..." On the other hand, a cheap speculum and a flashlight made for an entertaining evening for my beloved when we were newlyweds...the things we do for love!
I'm probably not your only Msian visitor. I don't remember how I first heard about LO. I visited early in the year, then forgot about it until about several weeks ago. Thank God for archives.
Yes, I watch Oprah sometimes. But still maybe more than a dude should, haha. I get a kick seeing my mum's reaction when watching the makeover episodes. Shoes make her drool.
We get Oprah over the satellite channel Hallmark. No sure if they're the latest, but I think they're fairly recent because I can understand a lot of what you're referring to.
I think, and I could be wrong, over here she's more famous with the English-speakers. The rest would probably know her as one of the world's richest businesswoman or as a media figure.
Please say hi to Jim for me.
LO - you're hilarious, insightful, smart, and you give us something to think about. to all those dinging you for being "critical" i give a raspberry -- you DO say a lot of positive things, and, let me tell them, I was ANTI-Oprah til I read LO, and, while I'm still not an O Fan, now I have some good ideas and cool, positive things to do. (ex: i now savor my food...not a bad thing.)
All I want to say is I was shocked to find out that soooo many women did not know about their clitoris. How can you be an adult woman and not know? How? Or how could you be an adult male even and not know? Seriously, people, seriously. Did they read Cosmo during study hall? No wonder these women aren't having sex.
laurajeanette, I was surprised too, until I thought about the education I got in high school sex ed. The clitoris was not mentioned, nor were orgasms. In fact, the only teacher who ever referred to either was my psychology teacher during our human sexuality unit. That was probably the only class in which a teacher could talk about such things without raising a controversy.
OK, I like vajayjay ... I think of it every night when I put on my "pajayjays" before bed. Of course, I was familiarized with the term on "Best Week Ever" when they showed Oprah in a zipline harness hollering about her VJJ.
My naturopath doc has a mirror she found when her furnace man was using it to look under the furnace. It has a long handle and a nice angle. She asked where he bought his and took special delight in telling him why she wanted to know.
Hi LO! First, today, hafta bust your chops a little - in a very fun way. At a training session yesterday with our new Web developers, we chatted over lunch, first about yoga, and then I mentioned my fave instructor was also doing this project, etc etc, to which the women on the team gushed "You KNOW Living Oprah????!!!" and the one, lonely guy on the team looked around at us and sighed... UH OH! So you've got lots of "non blogging fans" out there too!
Got home last evening and loved this show. The first time I (accidentally) watched an Oprah sex show, my mother was in the room. Luckily, we had already consumed almost an entire bottle of wine before Dr Christine Northrup ecouraged women everwhere to "Talk to your clitoris! Tell her she's beautiful!" - the object being increased arousal. My. Poor. Mother. She's no prude, of course, but I think the initial shock was greatly softened by the Merlot. So I texted mom last night to ask if she'd done the "Vulva" homework and got a very funny "mom like" reply...
I too found the couples therapy fasciniating, along with the stats about people in sexless marriages/relationships. And I espeically appreciated the emphasis on hormone changes for peri-menopausal women - girls, when you get to the right age you can ask your doctor to run a hormone level test along with your other bloodwork, esp if you feel your body's response changing. And I loved loved loved how supportive the husband was; his loving approach contributed a lot, I thought, to her being able to finally open up about her fears, desires etc.
The surrender date... Wow - really interesting to watch us try to let go of control, OR, our natural role in a relationship. I loved her "Well, how are you going to get where you're going without me to navigate?"
In all, well done show, and they did a good job cautioning parents to keep the kids out of the room. In case anyone thought that was overkill, I once babysat for my step-bro's two kids, pretty young at the time. The kids were watching Animal Planet, and as I was buzzing around the kitchen making snacks, on the t.v. I overhear one of the 50 most amazing animal facts: "The male pig is capable of achieving a 15 minute orgasm..." I paused, nearly dropped the peanut butter knife, and quietly waited to hear if anyone would inquire... I was off the hook, the moment passed.
When I told my step-bro and his wife, she laughed and said "yeah, you think they didn't hear that comment... but what do you want to bet that a month from now, we'll have a dinner party, and Sarah will announce it to the entire table..." LMAO! So, good job on the parental warnings all through the show.
I don't think the information was entirely new. However, the information was packaged in a new, helpful way.
I loved the idea of surrender, 10s kisses and reiteration of how much time it takes to achieve orgasm for men and women. It's empowering to have this type of data available.
It makes me sad that some women (and men) do not know where everything is or they are scared to look at themselves. This type of information is readily available in encyclopedias, human anatomy books and in many other places. I hope this show empowered many women to get to know themselves.
I sent this to LO already, but was anyone else taken aback by the constant "mature audience" warnings when she has never warned anyone to keep their kids away during one of her shows about rape, genocide, homocide, etc...? I've seen and heard some pretty strong stuff on the show yet Oprah (or her crew) were worried that kids might hear about sex. Which is probably just a result of our cultures concern about keeping sex a secret while violence and violent images are commonplace. Geez, even the video game commercials these days scare me!
I thought the mature audience messages were oft repeated, but wasn't really taken aback. I think it's perfectly fine for kids and parents to chat about sex, at the appropriate age. And hopefully those initial conversations are in a space that is comfortable for parents and kids.
I asked a friend for a second opinion - she has two sons, aged 10 and 8. She agreed, saying t.v. is going overboard with sex, making sensitive topics even harder for parents. Her example was the deluge of Cialis ads that aired during the MLB playoffs - her older son is starting to understand, and the ads were even making him uncomfortable. In her words "I should be able to let my kids watch baseball without having to police commercials. Kids are going to grow up soon enough without television speeding up the process."
Just a thought - the ads may have been to please the censors ... I don't know what the rules are, but I know they have them.
Ugh, I recently took a look down there and immediately regretted it. After two babies it looks like a war zone. Just an empty landscape littered with the debris of vaginal war. So sad.
And I'm glad I'm not you b/c I cannot do the 10 second kissing assigment unless I want to have sex every single day of my life which I don't, thank you very much because my husband can't kiss for more than one second without going ding dong bong.
I could not believe that a grown woman does not know where her clitoris is located. Wouldn't you just stumble across it while horse back riding, sitting near the jet in a jacuzzi, stradling anything, playing in the sprinklers as a kid? Something? Jeez. That was sad.
I liked this Oprah expert a lot though doesn't it just figure that the sex therapist guru is pretty hot. I'd be afraid my husband would start fantasizing about her...or that I would....
Enjoy your assignments. I'm sure your mirror inspection will go much better than mine.
LauraJean:
You would be surprised what women don't know about their bodies.
I'm going to have to read more about this surrender date thing. I'm a bit like Wendi in the my boyfriend likes me to be in charge all the time. I've told him repeatedly that I'd like him to plan a date for us. Time to remind him again. I like the 10 Second kissing assignment tho. R is a good kisser!!!!
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