Makeover show! Makeover show! I can't tell you how, after the drama of Friday, I needed a fluffy, fun, feel-good makeover show. Today's guests felt as if they'd lost their sensual side. As I sit here, in the new neck-to-crotch back brace I wear each day, I feel I rank a .5 on the sex-o-meter (in my imagination, the sex-o-meter has a zero-to-ten scale). Needless to say, I was looking forward to the show and maybe picking up a few good tips.
I do want to mention, right off the bat, I really appreciate that this season, for the most part, Oprah is saying we should pay attention to what her experts tell us to buy (rather than telling us buy things herself) or that we should make purchases only if we can afford them. Of course, simply highlighting an item on her show will probably encourage people to purchase it, but as people run to the registers whenever Oprah tells them to buy things directly, I think her new manner of promoting an item is much more responsible, given the state of the economy. This is a marked change from her older shows, so it's awesome. Suze must have really made an impression.
Ok. Back to the sexy. Oprah does think it's very nice for us to have matching bras and panties. Um. I don't have a single set. Do you? I think I'm too cheap to buy matching items. Plus, at Marshalls, it's hard enough to find my size, let along a set of anything!
I was sad Oprah hasn't completely been able to take her own advice (she told us a while back not to beat ourselves up) when she said, "I never go without sleeves because I have big, fat arms." No, Oprah, no! It is hard for me to hear women bash their bodies. It shows how our body images are so screwed up these days. Oprah's recently had a guest on her show that lost both her arms and legs, and yet, O still disparages the appearance of her own arms. I'm actually not blaming her at all for this. How could I think less of her, when I fall into this trap at times? In fact, I spent several minutes last night studying my butt in a photograph of myself in a bathing suit and trying to convince my husband to admit how wobbly everything looked back there. If you're wondering why on earth I'd allow a photo taken of me from behind in a bathing suit, SO AM I. And if you're wondering how Jim puts up with me when I do this?...me too.
Still...I think sometimes we women might have to just start acting our way into right thinking until we get over dissecting our bodies to evaluate them. Oprah included.
I thought one of Oprah's assignments was kind of funny. "Every woman needs a fan!" She was saying this because she believes all women look better in photos with a fan and good lighting. I'm not sure where our fan went. After we moved, it disappeared. I'll see if Jim knows where it is and then I'll take a photo - one with a fan, one without. I'll let you be the judge of whether or not it helps me out.
More words of Oprah advice, "If you wear clothes that are too tight, you look bigger." and "One of the sexiest things I think a woman can do is clean out her closet." I wasn't totally clear on how this will sexify me. She doesn't want us to use wire hangers, which I don't have anyhow, but what do you think...help me out with this interpretation - does this mean get rid of non-sexy things? Non-fitting things? Or that decluttering is sexy? If you watch the show, please let me know.
There were a few quotes (maybe assignments?) at the top of the show that didn't get recorded on my VCR. I heard them, but when I went back to rewatch the show, the first 5 minutes didn't get captured. I'll have to tune-in tonight to make certain I didn't miss a thing. If I did, I'll check in about it tomorrow.
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Assignment check-in: We painted our bedroom! And we're still married! I'll post some pics tomorrow. We haven't put the room together yet as it still reeks of paint. In all honesty, it wasn't so bad - it was actually nice to spend some time together. And yes, as we worked, I did compliment Jim quite a bit and built him up, just as Oprah said men need. Even though he knows of this assignment, he doesn't seem to mind where the advice came from.
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And then finally, let's talk Kindle one last time. I really appreciated everyone's input. I read every single one of your comments and emails over the weekend. Whether you agreed with my actions or not, It was excellent to read your thoughts. I'll admit there were moments I wanted to defend myself, but then I thought, it's not really my place to change your opinion of me. I've learned a lot during this process and one thing I've deepened is my ability to stay true to myself without struggling to make everyone like me. (Which isn't to say I don't want to. I do. It's just impossible. Like herding cats.) OMG! That's SOOO Oprah! Ok, ok, I guess she really is rubbing off in some positive ways. For instance, her decision to publicly back Barack Obama wasn't universally appreciated, but she did what was right in her heart. She upset many viewers by asking us to keep an open mind about the pregnant man...and yet, she wanted to do the story, so she did. When she chose A New Earth as her Book Club choice, it infuriated many of her strictly-religious audience members, but she stayed true to the lessons she wanted to teach. Many of her actions are a positive example for women, I believe. Sometimes we're going to ruffle some feathers when we follow our hearts, but it's not our place to make everyone happy all the time.
All I can do is what I believe in and, in Oprah's words, live my "own truth." After spending almost 10 months of my life performing my project in a specific manner, this wasn't the time to break my own rules or to be compromised by a conflict of interest. I felt as if I was between a rock and a hard place, but ultimately, had I followed any other path, I would not have felt right about it. For those who mentioned giving it to charity, I didn't feel it was mine to "regift," but I absolutely do hope the lovely Kindle goes to someone needier than I am. In time, I can save up to afford the device, but there are many people who cannot. I am sure the folks at Harpo will give it a great home.
Thanks again for your input. The lively discussion was appreciated.
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39 comments:
All I can do is what I believe in and, in Oprah's words, live my "own truth."
YAY You!!! You are TOTALLY living your own life. And believe it or not, I think you're inspiring a lot of us - your readers - to do the same. I just recently put out a project of my own and will be having my first exhibit/show in November. I have to remember that not everyone is going to like what I do, and some will like it. But the most important thing is that I like it. I LOVE what I do. I'd do it anyway whether someone is interested or not.
So you keep on doing what you're doing. You're TOTALLY awesome!
Hey LO! I think YOU are having an effect on Oprah - the fact that she stressed the "if you can afford it" angle of her Kindle recommendation and then sent you one shows that you're on her mind.
Also, I'm very impressed that you stayed true to the spirit of the project by sending back the gift. Go LO!
As for the cleaning out the closet advice...maybe you should wear your "special" items - the ones hanging out at the back of your closet - more often? Sort of how the lifestyle mavens say we should use our good china every day?
Aren't you writing a book about your experience? Will you give all the proceeds to charity? I think your holier than thou approach about what you have learned from Oprah is just a justification for your inflexibility. Sorry, yoga teacher, from one 20-year yoga veteran.
Hey LO, I am soooo looking forward to this episode when it replays tonight - I agree, for many reasons we need a lighter show. I like the idea of bringing sexy back, something I've paid a little more attention to since turning the Big 4-OH last year. I don't know how or when I lost it ("sexy") - I think it happened gradually; then one day I casually remarked to a friend that suddenly I had a drawer full of Bridget Jones "Granny Panties", and realized that 40 does not equal dead! The result of this "casual comment" was that several of my friends made "sexy lingerie" the theme of my 40th birthday party... Treating yourself to a sexy lingerie set definitlely lifts the spirits - and you don't have to empty your wallet to do it.
Women and body image is a much tougher issue. I promised a review of Stroke of Insight, and I think Jill Bolte Taylor has something to say to all of us here, with or without a brain injury: love your body for all of the wonderful things it can and does do, all on its own, on a daily basis. This is challenging when health is compromised, but not judging our bodies when they fail is (in JBT's view) a key to recovery/return to health. Our bodies absorb all of our emotions and attitudes, happy, sad, compassionate, judgmental - why not focus on the ones that heal or help us?
More after I watch Oprah this evening...
wendi, can i tell you how much i've loved reading your comments as you caught up to current posts? it was soooo fun. congrats on your exhibit! what are you showing? good luck to you!
jenn_ky, honestly, i've been wearing everything. well, except the white jeans :) they are a little thin for fall in chicago. wanna borrow them?
anon, i'm not sure how to respond, so i'll just say - good for you 20 years of yoga. i admire that!
ellen, thanks for the book info - and the review you sent me! i can't wait to receive my book.
and finally - i have to wonder if i ever had any sexy to bring back? hm....
xo
robyn
Hi, LO, I thought for sure I was annoying you, but the premise of this experiment has been something I've often thought myself. My day job is at a university. Each Fall semester I see more and more young women coming to school thinner than they should be. Why are they doing it? Does Ashely and Mary Kate really have that much control over the lives of our society? It's heart wrenching to see how little importance we give ourselves just so we can give it to celebrities who don't really care about us anyway. So I applaud you on this experiment - you're bringing this to light. You're saying, "Hey, this isn't right!" And I agree with jenn_ky - I think you are having an affect on Oprah.
I make jewelry. http://thetwothieves.blogspot.com/ After years and years of struggling to figure out "who I am" and "what I should be doing" I realized that regardless of my day job, I need to have a true passion. Something that regardless of others feelings, a passion needs to bring me joy. Jewelry making does that for me. I can sit on the floor with my beads and wires and tools and cats and bird and happily spend a couple of hours (or longer) just making jewelry. Playing with beads.
I can only hope that everyone can find their passions. There will always be someone who will try to tell us our passions are a pipedream or silly or unworthy. But I just say, "Bullocks!" and keep on doing what I love. I mean, now that I've FINALLY found it, why would I stop now?
Thanks, LO, for bringing us all together this way!!
Really nice post. I really need this show today. I also liked what you said about the Kindle. Yes, I was one who said giving it to charity would have been nice, but hey, you did what you felt was right in your heart and that's what matters.
L.O. wrote:
"I felt as if I was between a rock and a hard place, but ultimately, had I followed any other path, I would not have felt right about it."
Wow, Oprah really is having an impact on you. One of the biggest life lessons Oprah teaches is that feelings are our GPS system for life, and so if something doesn't feel right, you shouldn't do it. This has been the wisdom that has guided her entire life, and it now seems to be guiding you too.
Did you see Oprah's 2008 speech at Stanford. Your year of following Oprah's advice will not be complete unless you heed the lessons she expresses in this speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpd3raj8xww
While I enjoy your blog, I think it could have been even better if you just focused on the big picture important & philosophical advice Oprah gives rather than taking every off-hand comment literally or doing everything in her magazine (which she does not even write).
One example where I felt your project became absurd was when you purchased stuff for a backyard you don't even have. Sure Oprah may have said "you must have this" but obviously she was talking to people with backyards. If you were a man doing this project and Oprah said "you must have this bra", obviously you wouldn't buy it because she's obviously talking in that moment to women who have breasts. I understand you are taking things to extremes as a form of art, but I in that case I felt you were being a little too extreme, to the point of trivializing your own project.
Ugh... makeover shows always bug me. Why oh why do they make over these ordinary nice people in ball gowns they will never wear? When do we women get a break from having to always look and be sexy? Good lord do I really have to have a pair of jeans that is cut to wear with high heeled boots that I don't own and don't want?! Did I hear this part wrong...Since when can we find full length metallic silk taffeta skirts at Target?
Cleaning out the closet is totally freeing and fantastic. It makes your psyche feel lighter and happier and maybe that is what Oprah was getting at?
I liked the way the Orange County women were honest and said they thought the process was fun, but they mostly didn't think they'd really wear their new looks.
LO, after reading your statement...
"I spent several minutes last night studying my butt in a photograph of myself in a bathing suit and trying to convince my husband to admit how wobbly everything looked back there."...
I have to let you in on a very important secret (passed on to me by my hubby): the vast majority of men like some jiggles and wobbles on women. Some men even like LOTS of wobbles.
Seriously, we hold our bodies in place with so much strapping, elastic, lycra and wire, while many guys just wish we'd let our bodies move a little (no reference to your body brace intended, sorry).
We are so hard on ourselves, and so hard on other women - and we think we're doing it for the men - but most of them really don't care about the things we consider imperfections.
Also, I agree with jenn_ky, above. I think you are opening Oprah's eyes in a big way.
Wendi wrote:
"Each Fall semester I see more and more young women coming to school thinner than they should be. Why are they doing it? Does Ashely and Mary Kate really have that much control over the lives of our society?"
Well I think one of the most positive aspects of Oprah's success is that she's proven that women don't have to be thin to be extremely successful and in the public eye. I think Oprah really paved the way for a lot of overweight women in media like Rosie O'Donnel, Rosanne, Star Jones & CNN's Candy Crawley.
Wendi wrote:
"It's heart wrenching to see how little importance we give ourselves just so we can give it to celebrities who don't really care about us anyway."
I agree that most celebs don't care about us, but I honestly believe Oprah's the exception to the rule, and that's part of what set her apart from day one and made her such a huge success for so long. Viewers are very smart and I think they just intuitively sensed that Oprah really does care, that she really is a lot more genuine and sincere than the average host. You can't fake that kind of compassion 200 or so hours a year, decade after decade.
Now I don't deny that Oprah has changed a lot over the years and that the money and success may have to some degree gone to her head, but she is a fundamentally caring person.
There are several reasons for taking this view:
1) She's backed up her rhetoric by giving hundreds of millions of her own hard earned money to charity (more than anyone else in show business). Lots of celebrities raise money, but Oprah actually gives money, and does so in difficult and challenging ways like her school in South Africa.
2) The only reason Oprah became a talk show host in the first place is because she was literally too compasionate and too caring to report the evening news. Her bosses would get on her case to be objective in her reporting, but no matter how hard she tried, she could not report on tragic events like a women losing her kids in a fire without bursting into tears on live TV. Finally her bosses got sick of it, and transfered to a job hosting a morning talk show where she immediately thrived.
Like any great artist, and I consider Oprah one of the greatest, Oprah demonstrates extreme levels of emotional sensetivity.
3) Oprah would not still be on TV if she didn't have a genuine interest in helping people. Once you achieve more money and fame than you will ever need, there's nothing left to do but become self-actualized by doing something to make the world a better place. Oprah has said that her biggest fear is that she will not reach her potential. She has all this money and influence, and I think she struggles on a daily basis to figure out how to best use it for good (I think that's part of the reason she endorsed Obama).
Jamsusie wrote:
"Ugh... makeover shows always bug me. Why oh why do they make over these ordinary nice people in ball gowns they will never wear?"
I agree. These shows might be a fun fantasy for the people involved, a little light entertainment for the rest of us, but how can anyone maintain this type of appearance? Oprah herself has said she looks terrible when she doesn't have her hair and makeup people to help her, but it often allows her to go out in public without being recognized.
I haven't seen the show yet but I sometimes like makeover shows. It's nice to see how little changes can make a difference - if the person wants the change.
My son told me that he hated the show "What Not To Wear". When I asked why, he said he didn't like other people deciding what each person should or should not wear. And that the hosts are making people into something that they are not. Same with makeup.
Interesting perspective, and I'd rather see a makeover show with participants that asked to be there, that wanted the advice, that are looking for little hints or changes to get the look they want instead of people 'volunteering' others because they think the person needs a change.
If that is what today's show is like, well then pardon me for jumping the gun :)
There are men out there that prefer a more natural looking woman. We are only young for a short time and instead of fretting over your saggy boobs, maybe remember they fed a child or two (if applicable). Remember that your arms may be fat but they still give good hugs. Remember that your legs may be flabby but they still help you get to where you need to be every day. And whether your back is straight or curved, it has done its best in helping you hold your head high, so be thankful for all your parts. They are the only parts you have :)
Ohhhh, LO... Everyone's got some sexy to either find or get back, that's what I've learned (or been reminded) after years of ignoring mine, or wondering if I had any to find. And I also think "sexy" is different for everyone, but any little thing you do for yourself that gives you that inner "Zing" -- that's sexy.
And also, agree that this is very different from the male perspective: on mornings when I don baseball cap, no makeup, and a barely awake face I have more guys smile at me on the way to Starbucks than I ever thought possible... I bet if you ask Jim, he'll tell you something about yourself that he finds sexy that will totally surprise you... Men - go figure!
As for the mystery of why cleaning out a closet will make you feel sexier...
If you go through and get rid of everything that doesn't fit quite right, that looks dowdy or mis-shapen or too big or too small or out of date, what you're left with is a closet full of clothes that you know you feel confident in. And we all know confidence = sexy. It also saves you from trying on a dozen outfits that don't look quite right and therefore slowly wear away at you.
HI LO, love your blog and this project. I think it totally makes sense in keeping with the parameters of your art project to return the Kindle, but I was dying! When I read how O sent you a Kindle, all I could think of was her things I love show, and I imagined you surrounded by boxes of stuff, because she would then send them all to you, too! INMHO, I think if O includes you in her studio audience for that things I love show, you should go and keep all the cool stuff! You totally deserve it! DG from San Francisco
re: matching undies + bras: yes, i'd love to own a matching set; no, i don't actually own a matching set. i, too, shop for under garments exclusively at marshall's, filene's + tj maxx. (why pay $20-$30 each, when bras can be had for $7?) their new displays usually feature about 20 cute bras and 3 panties that match...that are never in my size. sigh.
i have a matching camisole + thong set that: a) was a gift for valentine's day, and b) only gets worn for you-know-what.
hey all...this project has me on emotional roller coaster. i don't want to bore the h-e-double-hockey-stick out of you, but i might have to write about it. i'm a freaking emotional mess. what started as a project i thought i'd be able to keep entirely neutral has become so personal, and dare i say, DEEP, that i am having mood swings akin to my hormonal 14-year old self did. my friend sharon encouraged me to blog about it so i might later. i'm scared.
ok - but back to your comments...
wendi, you're not driving me crazy at all. ask everyone else who comments here. i LOVE LOVE LOVE reading them. it be a big fat bummer if i did this in a vacuum. it could be done, but it would have been very boring. ooh - i'm going to check out your work as soon as i finish this...
anon, i really appreciate what you suggested about the charity, by the way. i think i felt like i had to give it back immediately or else i might have had more time to think about it. still - oprah and her folks are really good at taking care of people in need, so i know it will not go to waste!
morepower, i am SO glad you brought up the firepit. actually, that was a really important thing for me to do. i'll tell you why: part of this project was to take the "bad" with the "good" - by giving myself COMPLETELY to oprah's suggestions, i wanted to make a bit of a point about one-size-fits-all advice. not so much in critique of Oprah...but to make a point (albeit in an absurb/satirical manner) about how much advice "we" tend to follow without thinking it through. just because a magazine or a celebrity say was "must" do something...do we really? how often do we jump on the advice train, even when the advice not fit our own lives. so, yes yes yes, i totally agree with you that getting the firepit was ridiculous...but i also think buying every magazine with a headline that reads "FLAT ABS IN ONE WEEK!" is also absurd. let me know if that makes sense. in the midst of writing this, i'm trying to take a piece of plastic out of my kitten's mouth. i might not have been too smooth...
iamsusie, could be about the closet. good point. and it also made me laugh about the OC housewives...the outfits were cute, but SO not them! oh...wait...you don't own at least a dozen floor length metallic skirts? WHAT KIND OF WOMAN ARE YOU!? :)
hyperlexian, i know you are so right...but why don't i believe the men? i know jim loves my butt (wait, is that too much info?), but still...i can really focus on what i see as the negatives. i gotta get over myself. there's not excuse for me to do this. on the bright side, my backside would stay warm if i had to sit in an igloo; how's that for thinking positively? it's a start.
ooh, back to morepower - i agree that oprah paved the way for women in media who aren't stick thin. still, i feel badly that she's not at peace with her body. when she voices discomfort in her own skin, i think it's very real, very honest, but also a shame. i'd love to see her embrace her bod. she's got a real body. of course, it's not a showbiz bod, so i can see where a ton of pressure would come in. hey, i am not in showbiz and i can go to a dark place - i can't imagine having the media plaster pics of me everywhere and late night comics make fun of my weight constantly. it's awful for her.
robin, as i'm sitting here in this WAY uncomfortable brace (can i post a pic in comments? i'd love to show you guys...), feeling sorry for myself, your comment made me cry. in a good way. thanks for sharing that. there's always something to feel grateful for. thanks for the reminder.
ellen, it's less for me about how i impact men and more about how i feel inside. i think that sexiness has to come from within. but on the other hand, i wonder if jim would let me go out and wink at guys in starbucks for an afternoon. you know - just to boost my confidence. LOL.
olivia, TOTALLY. i'll say it again. TOTALLY. peter walsh's book helped me out a lot on this one. i got rid of so many of my million crappy outfits and kept what i liked and what i thought looked good on me.
DG from SF, you just made me feel really good. thank you so much for writing.
xo y'all!
LO
etiquette bitch, tee hee. xoLO
I'm one of those people who is totally obsessed with matching undies and bras. They are the only kind I wear. I know, I know I know, but it helps keep me in balance. I wonder if that makes sense. I feel more confident. My mum used tell me when I was growing up how accidents happen and I may one day need to be given first aid etc and I really didnt want people looking at not pleasant underwear. So I guess it stuck!!
I really like how Oprah looks. She is healthy, isnt that what counts? She is an amazingly beautiful black womon and truth be told, black women have big booties. Its in the genes!!! I hate it when she says things like that, like in an episode she said that she likes big pocket books because she's a big woman!!! I mean, she of all people should know that the body doesnt really make the person.
I do not wear makeup at all. I'm au naturale. I take care of my skin and I think that that is all it takes. Nice clean, unclogged, unpainted, clear fresh skin. I do not even know what it feels like to wear makeup. My friends explain the mineral foundations, powders and it just goes over my head!! I mean, I present myself as I am, take me or leave me.
Interesting when you talk to guys. Most of them will tell you they like natural women who are not obsessed with something as superficial as skinniness or clothes. I mean you do not need to be a dag but you know what I mean. Most magazines that advocate the skeletal images arent even read by men, they are all women's magazines!!
Totally agree with morepower and Robin. Go girls, smart smart!!!
Hey, LO, what happened to your back? Accident? I sympathise.
T
tabby, FASCINATING. i'm also (when not living oprah) a non-makeup wearer and i'm surprised to hear a fellow non-makeup wearer is a matching-bra-panty set wearer! you're an interesting woman! but it makes sense - one is on the inside of your clothes - all about YOU, the other is on the outside, and very much how other people perceive you.
i wish oprah loved her bod - she'd be an AMAZING role model for girls/women and how they perceive themselve. still, i guess i prefer she's honest, rather than fake about it.
i have a rapidly progressing scoliosis. had it thru childhood/college /20's in mild form. when i turned 30 or so, my spine began to twist and change even more. i lost 2 inches of height (just from the compression. losing a bit of lung function as my chest cavity gets mushed. i got the brace because of the chronic pain. although year after year my curvature has progressed, the fabulous news is, since the beginning of this year, i've been getting (a tiny bit) better. stronger. the brace is to help me maintain this correction and hopefully keep me from getting worse. i'm trying to avoid a spinal fusion (basically fusing my spine from the base of my neck down to (almost) my tailbone). there goes the yoga teaching career!!! :)
i've been avoiding giving you all the sob story, but i've mentioned the brace a few times since i got it - as well as mri's, the dizziness, and other medical tests i've been going thru as a result of this - so i thought i'd stop being coy and give you the brief scoop!
all is well. i'm gonna be great, i know it...
thanks for asking!
xoLO
Hello ladies of LO! Today was another great Oprah show and yes, it was nice to have an uplifting makeover show! I sometimes think I might not watch on these days because I have so much to do and I always, always get drawn in on the makeover shows! It's so much fun to watch ladies of all ages "glow" even if there are in gowns they will never wear again. Afterall, they did wear them once and ON THE OPRAH SHOW! And those photo shoots of them were beautiful.
As a woman in her "senior years" it's nice to consider that even I could look sexier. Being a motel owner my ususal get-up is sweats and sweat shirts...cute Huh! When I do get dressed up and get compliments it truly makes me feel good all over!
Have a good day!
Connie
Oh LO!! I had no idea!!! I have cried after reading your reply. Oh, I cant imagine the pain and suffering. See, this is why I love your blog, we are all real women/men with real issues.
Its so amazing that you have that yet remain so positive and with a killer sense of humour. I'm completely floored!! You're a wonderful courageous woman.
So, will it get worse with age? What are the best and worst case scenarios? Is it genetic? Can it be cured without compromising your career? Can one contract it through an infection?
Please do not feel any pressure to answer.
Sending good positive vibes out for you!!!
T
p.s. keep smiling!!!
p.p.s. yeah, underwear is my little secret, I do it for me!!!
hey connie, that's a good point about the photo shoot. at least they have that, even if they'll never wear those gowns again. gal, throw on a dress tomorrow (no, not over your sweatpants!) and let us know how it goes. xoLO
oh tabby, you are so sweet. i didn't want to "use" my troubles to garner any sympathy, i promise! they don't know what caused it, but it's probably genetic as my grandmother had it. it's actually pretty rare that it get worse at this point in my life. usually, for women, it's supposed to get worse in pubery, during pregnancy, and menopause. it's kind of a freak thing that suddenly mine was triggered to get bad. funny thing is, on the street, you'd never know i had it! i think because of the yoga and all my theatre classes in college, my posture is quite good. but if you saw my xray, you might fall off your chair! :) still, honestly, i don't want sympathy - i MUST believe i can heal myself. sure, the docs don't necessarily think i can do it without surgery, but i don't believe that. i'm a strong person (sometimes! and with a little support!) and i know i can do it. i have to believe that with every core of my being. and while for the first couple years of this, i felt sorry for myself and i let my pain and my condition to define me, i've spent the past few years feeling more empowered. i'm living with this, but i'm no longer at battle with my body. i'm working with it to find a way to heal. whew! ok! with that - i'm off to teach a yoga class! i hope you have a great day and thank you so much for your response and support! xoLO
hey by the by, morepower, i realize i forgot to answer you on this one - yes, i did see her commencement address. i liked it a lot. in fact, i remember it being one of the first times i heard her mention that she likes money. it was oddly refreshing to hear and it was funny. a good speech. i wish gayle's daughter had been in MY college class! xoLO
LO I understand that you were trying to make a statement by buying the fire pit, but I think that one of the problems with your project is that it has conflicting goals. On the one hand it is a form of performance art, or a parody of popular culture, and from that perspective, buying the fire pit makes sense, but on the other hand, one of your goals is to test Oprah’s advice, and I think if you’re serious about that pursuit, you have to follow her advice in the spirit it was intended, and obviously Oprah intended that advice for folks with backyards, so I think when analyzing your results you should distinguish between the serious activities and expenses (where you were genuinely following Oprah’s advice in good faith) and the satirical parody activities and expenses (when you knowingly went to absurd extremes to make a social statement or express yourself artistically).
As for Oprah not accepting her body; I’m not sure if she has a genuine problem with her body or if this is just a form of self-deprecating humour or as a way of reminding her audience that she’s still one of them. Oprah herself said on her 20th anniversary DVD that although she’s sometimes accused of having a big ego, one thing she doesn’t have is a strong sense of vanity. There are several reasons for believing Oprah on this point:
1) One of the secrets to Oprah’s success is that right from day one she made a huge issue out of her weight. While industry experts predicted that there was no way an overweight black woman could succeed on TV, Oprah brilliantly used her weight problem to her advantage by marketing it as a way to intimately bond with millions of women and joking about her fat thighs. Had she been insecure about her weight, I don’t think she would have pursued such a strategy.
2) Although Oprah is capable of looking gorgeous when she exercises a lot and has the right makeup, she has repeatedly proven that she’s not afraid to look unattractive. If you watch her movies she frequently plays extremely unglamorous characters like Sophia in “The Color Purple” or Sethe in “Beloved”. Many of the characters she’s played are decades older than she is. She’s also gone on TV a couple times with no makeup at all.
3) Growing up Oprah never got her sense of value from being pretty, but rather from being smart. Her light-skinned half sister was the favorite and considered the pretty one, while Oprah was considered too dark by the mixed race land lady who made Oprah sleep out on the porch.
But Oprah gained self-esteem by skipping grades and earning praise and encouragement from her 4th grade teacher Mrs Duncan. Years ago one of Oprah's guests tried to rate Oprah's looks on a scale of one to ten. But rather than allowing herself to be humilated by any low number he may have given, a quick thinking Oprah brilliantly cut him off by saying "I don't care if you think I'm pretty or not! I realize a long time ago that I wasn't pretty so I decided to be smart instead. It worked for me!" The audience applauded.
So for all of the reasons above, I just don't think Oprah is as invested in her looks as most women. I think it's an issue she moved beyond at a very young age. While the fact that Oprah is always dieting may suggest she doesn’t accept her body or is worried about the tabloids or comics mocking her weight, I think the primary reason she wants to lose weight is for her health. I could be completely wrong; but as someone whose been watching her show since I was 10, I think I have a pretty good read on her.
LO, I'm sorry. I really do not pity you and I understand you do not want sympathy. I hate it when people fuss but at the same time, I'm a chronic 'in their shoes' type person so ignore me!!
morepower, that sounds like you know what you're talking about. Yeah Oprah is a very very smart woman,in the larger(pardon the pun) scheme of things, looks fade, brains are eternal......unless you get dementia or something.
T
You are "performing" at this project? Nice way to be objective and actually give it a chance. Lame.
LOL I'm glad you've seen the commencement address. I too have tried to live by Oprah's advice for years, but unlike you I don't follow everything Oprah says, in fact I've never even read her book club picks (except for A NEW EARTH which was more philosophical).
Instead I try to live by Oprah's deeper philosophical principles such as "what you focus on expands", "follow your passion", "doubt means don't" "feelings are your GPS system for life", "keep a graditude journal", and what "take time every day to remember your spirit". I just got back from a 2 hour walk enjoying the wonderful fall leaves. That was my way of remembering my spirit.
I find Oprah's advice works extremely well if you focus on the deep big picture philosophical stuff. It's obviously worked for her. Friends mock me for doing this, but I'm an openminded person who will try anything once and when something works I will do it repeatedly. Perhaps when your year is up, you could try just living her general life principles and not get distracted by the specifics of each show.
Back in the 1980s Oprah created a top 10 list of rules for success that included things like "be nice, not catty", "surround yourself with people who are at least as smart as you are", and you'll never believe what number one on her list was: "Don't do anything for the money"
I think the emotions you are feeling are right on track for where you are in this project.
It's almost over. It's brought you a modicum of fame. It's cost a chunk of money and could even cost you more (which has got to be scary in this economy.) No doubt it's freaky to know Oprah has the power to send people to your home. Strangers comment on your motives on daily basis. Come January, you are going to have to make sense of all this in manuscript form. On top of all this you have been dealing with some very serious health issues.
Yep, I'd say the emotional roller coaster you're on is normal and necessary for getting through this project. In fact, if you weren't on it, you probably wouldn't be doing this right. Artists don't work in neutral zones. Our hearts have to be in the work.
PS
I'm sure there are 1000s of typos - whatevs.
Hey Lo! My mother in law also has rapidly progressing scoliosis. But, she actually manages to keep it in check with very specific exercises.
Probably doesn't sound like a solution, you being a yoga teacher... She's been working closely with a biokineticist at her gym. It has done her the world of good!
Goodluck!
I thought it was great how the OC wife (was also honest with herself) when she said that she would never wear the outfit they picked for her in reality. And how they all graciously stood there through 4 consecutive commercial breaks to hear the "experts" discretely tell them all repeatedly how whorish they normally look.
I have to admit I was really confused as to why they picked out those clothes for the OC wives...why not pick out clothes they can wear on a daily basis In Their SITUATION as opposed to if they ever visit Chicago again....They did look lovely though.
Keep on LO you are really funny :)
Ok, LO, now that I watched this episode - WOW. Those women looked fantastic. And again I heard some interesting messages coming out - in particular I liked that the hairdresser told the former model not to compete with the woman in the old photo of herself - to embrace who she is now - and other nuggets of wisdom in an otherwise lighter show. I fell victim to that on my 39th birthday - looked at my 29th b-day photo and thought, now where did SHE go? If you let it, that kind of thinking can be a quagmire.
I kind of lost interest during the "make under" for the OC women, who just made me really happy I grew up in the midwest, where we are fashionable with modicum of sanity... :-)
And I did not mean to suggest that it was more for me about impacting men, I do this stuff for myself, and sexiness definitely does come from within. However, men do notice/respond to "sexiness" and I find it very amusing hear the difference between what men and women think is sexy; it's often very different, and often the very stuff we fret about is the stuff that make them go "Huh?"
Let me know how your Starbucks experiment turns out, I now have a very funny picture in my mind... something along the lines of Gilda Radner...
and PS, don't let Connie (aka my mom) up there fool you! Chronologically, she may qualify for senior discounts, but she showed up dressed to the nines at my 40th birthday party, causing my friends and outside observers alike to ask "WHO is the HOTTIE?" to which I replied "That's MY MOM!" Woo-hoo, go mommy!
LO, I think this is a perfect assignment sometime after 1/1/09. Once this project is over, take a day, get pampered, made up, hair did, buy a new outfit (or lack thereof), whatever - and get some professional pictures taken - for Jim. He'd love it. :)
Can't wait to see the pics of your room (and the fan - haha). Oh, and of course, go you! Your insights on O this season, and yourself, are fab.
Open note: I wish people would stop picking on LO. I think what she's doing is incredible, and to call her lame or say she's holier than thou when she's anything but is just unnecessary. I admire LO's integrity and dedication, and instead of looking at her through jaded, cynical, mean-spirited eyes, perhaps you could see just how vulnerable she has made herself so that we might get some insight.
Please stop bashing. While the two comments that stuck out were anon, I'm assuming you're women. Please try to uplift your fellow woman, instead of ripping her down. If you don't like the site, don't read it.
Open note: I wish people would stop picking on LO. I think what she's doing is incredible, and to call her lame or say she's holier than thou when she's anything but is just unnecessary. I admire LO's integrity and dedication, and instead of looking at her through jaded, cynical, mean-spirited eyes, perhaps you could see just how vulnerable she has made herself so that we might get some insight.
Please stop bashing. While the two comments that stuck out were anon, I'm assuming you're women. Please try to uplift your fellow woman, instead of ripping her down. If you don't like the site, don't read it.
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