It feels as if I've started this post a million times. I'm feeling totally overwhelmed at the moment, trying to compile all the accounting for this project, tick things off my to-do list, deal with the fact that I'm pretty achy from yesterday's Rolfing session, and then juggle the rest of my life - family, finances, work, pets, home. I'm generally decent with time management, but this project has me running to keep up with life. So, imagine my relief (combined with cringing terror) when I see Oprah has discovered the prescription for my overwhelmed-itis. On the cover of this month's O, The Oprah Magazine, hiding in the bottom, left-hand corner, are the words: "Oprah's cure for being overwhelmed." Cue angels singing. Give it to me, Oprah, how do we stop the ride for a while in order to get our heads on straight?
I flip to page 330.
Oprah tells us about how difficult it has been for her to search for leadership to head her various ventures. Her life is so busy, she's having a hard time filling these positions. She's a mess. She's overwhelmed. What to do? Basically, she throws her hands in the air (no, no she doesn't wave 'em like she just don't care), and takes an entire day off. No calls, no emails, lots of meditating, lots of praying, lots of walking, eating, journaling, jogging, bathing, breathing, more writing, some reading. HOLY CRAP! This is a day off?! I had been curious about what a day of rest would look like for Oprah. I was thinking maybe a massage, some lounging by the pool, playing with the dogs, a little Steadman time, perhaps. But, man oh man, she even fills up her relaxation day with activity. I might not be a gazillionaire media-mogul, but I can TOTALLY relate. Her day sounds lovely, and was probably exactly what she needed, but it made me reflect upon my own programming to DO rather than BE.
This amazing talent most women have to multitask can be a huge benefit to us, our families and employers, but ultimately, it might do us a disservice. Clearly, Oprah feels our pain. But is disappearing from the world for a whole day (a luxury many of us can't afford) a solution or a band-aid?
The pages of September's magazine are filled with the usual lovely products, clothing, books, food, inspiration and advice. I really enjoyed reading it cover to cover. It felt so decadent. Supposedly, this month, Oprah's staff has compiled all the answers for us, so we don't need to waste our time and money looking for our own solutions to our troubles and questions. While on the surface, this sounded great to me, I had to wonder if this is just perpetuating the endless cycle of doing, buying, acting, moving and searching for quick, simple answers. Maybe we should ask ourselves why our lives are so hard in the first place. Maybe we should also question whether we can actually get the very profound answers to our deep-seated issues and habits from the pages of a magazine.
I guess I should re-read the article on page 268 entitled "48 Decisions We've Made For You." Maybe the answers are there.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
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19 comments:
I didn't find the 48 very enlightening and in fact some of them I have heard or read elsewhere.
If looking for answers and/or *gasp* finding the answers to our deep-seated issues somehow involved a product that could be sold or an "expert" that could be interviewed, Oprah would be all over that by now. Unfortunately, it's not a real moneymaker.
Your post makes me wonder whether Oprah devotees are in a viscous cycle. Do they look to Oprah for ways to de-stress and regroup because they feel insufficient, incomplete or wanting? And are those feelings caused indirectly {I'm not accusing Oprah of anything deliberate} by other "messages" from Oprah that make those viewers feel as if they are not smart enough, balanced enough, rich enough or hip or stylish enough?
anniegirl1138. agreed. but regurgitated information is SAFE for the publisher!
mrssoersdal. first of all, thank you for typing deep-seated. i had no idea that was the spelling. i'm changing it now! :) also - if oprah gave us THE answer, there'd be no more need for her, would there?
jean. i believe this, 8 months into this experiment, to be the case. i also agree there is nothing deliberate here...but there's definitely a case of creating want and the fulfilling that want...over and over again. in a way, oprah is also just a cog in this big wheel. i don't know if someone could be as successful as she is on network television and avoid it.
thanks gals!
xo
LO
I am trying to be more conscious with the activities and commitments I agree to. I'm a single, adoptive mom to two young daughters. I work full-time as an ESL teacher, and I'm a board member for a non-profit organization that provides medical care for orphans. I'm organized by nature, but struggle with the lack of down time that is available to me. I will be following your blog and embrace the concept of being a human being, not a human doer. I'm hungry for suggestions. Keep writing!
Jeana
I attended a life coach seminar type thing a couple of nights ago for an organisation called 'Landmark', anyway, I didnt get much out of it, as I'm a cynic to anyone who tells me that they are perfect and that their life changed drammatically after doing this or that.But one thing I got out of it was their advocacy of being 'human beings' instead of 'human doers or doings'.
Yeah, Oprah goes through phases like these, remember when she had her thyroid issues and she had to take time off? Or when she retreated to Maui and instructed her staff to call her only when someone or something died or burned down? Or when she was so overwhelmed with the abuse drama at her leadership academy and she had to hide in her closet for a while? I could go on and on. I thinks she takes on way too much. I once saw an interview of her, I think it was in the early 90s and she was saying that she signed each and every cheque at Harpo, whether it was for photocopier paper or to fund a new movie project. I dont think she does that anymore, and if she does then HOLY MOLLY!!
Anyway, like I said, she takes on too much. I think she has issues with relinquishing control. I mean, what happened to good old delegation? How can she think its humanly possible to do it all on her own? Or maybe she has so much on her plate because she plans on switching the mike off for the last time in.....what? 3 years? hence doing as much as she can in this limited time? Prize one pays for being a self made guzzillionare I guess sigh!!
I think that we all need time out once in a while, take a day off, to just chill out. I ocassionaly, switch my phone off, refuse to read emails, take the house phone off the hook, and go a whole day,thats right, 24 hours without speaking or seeing another human being, oh, heaven!!!!! Just curling up with a good book, some fruit and nuts,meditation, taking a long bubble bath with Andrea Bocelli serenading me in the background with a glass of wine, then a sloppy romantic chick flick in bed, ahhh, it doesnt get better than that. It doesnt cost a thing, in the comfort of your home!Now thats my remedy for when I get overwhelmed with life, I highly recommend it. Might be hard though for those with kids, husbands etc. But you could tweak it a bit!
On a totally different topic, do you think Oprah knows of LO? if she does, what do you think she's thinking? Do you think her staff have come across it and they're waiting to bring it to her? I'd be really weirded out if I were her, but maybe she's used to it. sigh
T
LO do you honestly believe Oprah knows THE ANSWER but is selfishly withholding it to keep her audience psychologically dependent on her? I think the women who watch Oprah are smart independent women who can decide for themselves what Oprah advice fits their life style and what to disregard. I think Oprah understands that too which is why she provides so much variety. And there is no "THE ANSWER"; each of have our own unique path to happiness so your attemp to follow Oprah's every commandment in such an indiscriminant way strikes me as more a satire of the sheep you incorrectly imagine her audience to be then seriously research.
T I agree with you that Oprah takes on too much. I think her biggest mistake was adopting 300 teenaged daughters to live at her school in Africa. I just think she's too far away to be a good mother and I think she's going to have a lot of problems finding people who can look after these girls in such a violent dysfunctional country where even university graduates are not well educated and sexual abuse is so deeply ingrained in the culture. On the other hand her talk show only takes an hour a day, she gets the whole summer off and has tons of people to help her run her empire so she probably has plenty of free time.
I don't have a chance to watch the Oprah show very much. (Yes, I admit it.) Although, I do tape it when I hear about an episode with a guest I really want to see. I also stopped subscribing to the magazine because I wasn't finding time to read it and I too was confused by the commercialism combined with the spirituality. I do, however, follow her soul series on XM radio. Her TV shows with Gary Zukov several years ago started me on a spiritual journey and now many of the ideas I've been mulling over have come back to me in her soul series. I also have seen a spiritual evolution in Oprah over time. Yes, she started out as an entertainer, and yes, her empire has many commercial aspects -- but those commercial aspects have brought her enough wealth and standing to introduce her soul series. (Can you imagine anyone else in the "biz" doing that?) Maybe Oprah the person is taking on too much -- but that's her issue. What I see from a distance is the personal growth she's been experiencing and her courage to show people that growth. For myself, I've taken from Oprah's advice the things that really resonate with me, and I've put the rest aside. (Yes, I'm a big fan of Oprah, the person not the media mogul -- but I also love the LO blog -- it raises some really important issues and it's a hoot!)
@ morepower: LO is being theoretical, not literal when she's speaking of Oprah. I think it's clear to everyone here she doesn't think the woman has all the answers or she wouldn't be doing all of this.
See, this is the reason why I am not a billionaire with a multi-media empire. My idea of a true day off is to do nothing more than lie in bed or on the couch, maybe read, watch tv and nap. I don't even change out of my PJs for the entire day, and the only time I get off the couch or out of bed is to grab something to eat (anything that requires no cooking) or hit the loo.
Just the DESCRIPTION of Oprah's "day off" list of activities left me exhausted!
I like you - I REALLY, REALLY like you! You are SO funny! And smart! And right!! We should be questioning why our lives are so hard, and gauge how much information from magazines we take to heart. I, myself, am very wary of magazines that have covers w/large-letter titles about great diets with a cover picture of a luscious dessert (of course, Oprah doesn't do this). Anyway, I think you have a bright future.
LO,
While I absolutely agree with you about the magazine thing, I question your critical thinking at this time. Doesn't critical thinking get in the way of the process?
I wonder if a major part of your stress comes from questioning all of this so much, rather then just doing? For example, walking and journaling helps O to find the answers that are right for you independent of any magazine articles. And no one is saying that the very solutions they offer in the magazine are the best ones for everyone, only that that solution is an option readers may want to consider. Not everyone is doing LO's devotional project.
Perhaps you should try having an attitude more similar to a fundamentalist surrendered-wife, and rest in the fact that you don't have to think or stress at all, just obey.
This topic makes me think of back when I was in college as well as this last year when I took on a very hectic and work-horse-like career.
I found myself consumed with work--ALL of the time. When you're busy with work or as a student, you have an endless line of tasks. Once you've been busy that long and so achievement-oriented, when you're asked to stop or given a break, you want to see how much more you can accomplish.
I left this stressful job that I was really unhappy at in May. After being out of a job for 2 measly days, I became semi-panicked--What was I doing with my life? Why wasn't I achieving something? What was I going to do next? I felt waves of guilt after 2 days. Then I began to see my task (instead of relaxing) as going to do and see as many things as possible--get to that art museum to see the newest exhibit, do some volunteer work, write letters, organize and clean house, go to the library, make new meals.
I'm still not working (have decided not to look quite yet), and I still have times where I feel panicked. When people I haven't seen since middle school, high school or college ask me what I'm up to, I actually have felt awkward-like that what I've done over the last 20 years is not quite good enough and that I must be some sort of failure b/c I don't have a project, job, or other current achievement-defined activity going on. Crazy, right? I saw this in myself and had to laugh. I've had to look at this in a different light.
I think there's something in my situation that relates to this. I think Oprah may be riding that wave of "gotta keep accomplishing"--I wonder if she's ever able to slow down. I wonder if she actually has that achievmentitis going on too.
Do you think her magazine and show in some ways promotes what I'm calling here "achievementitis" and once one mission has been completed, she's setting up new goals for people to accomplish. Or, do we as a society have that need drilled into us--Onward and upward! Must keep achieving at all times! (Even in times of leisure.) I've felt that push myself. I've seen others do it. Is this another tool that responds to something in our psyche?
Also...I wonder if there is anyone from a country where the society isn't so big on tallying up accomplishments...What do you think of all of this? How do these people respond to Oprah's show and magazines and this whole topic?
Ok, crazy tangent over! I just thought it was an interesting thought--This discussion was my own little "Aha" moment. ;-)
I had to laugh when I read that the same article headline that caught my attention had a similar effect on you (LO). I picked up the Sept. issue in a bookstore and read it aloud to my husband --"Oprah's cure for being overwhelmed" and then added my own commentary "Overwhelmed by what?? Oprah?!" And that pretty much sums up the conclusion I reached about two years ago that if I was ever going to have a life of balance (the life Oprah wanted for me) I would have to stop looking for solutions in magazines or on tv shows. Instead of feeling inspired, I was always left with a sense of inadequacy at not being able to get my life together. Which only made me want to watch her show more hoping that the next new "technique" would be the answer. Then I had an Aha! moment. I was a self-help junkie!! I had to quit Oprah cold turkey or I'd never get out my rut. Not that my life is all that together now, but with the time freed up from not watching an hour of Oprah every day I made time for some drawing classes. So, I'm beginning to think of Oprah as being just one more phase in my personal evolution. I don't think she wants her audience to only live and breathe HER. I think she's putting out an array of options as a starting point to get us all off our butts and doing something better for ourselves and the world. At least that's what the optimist in me thinks -- the pessimist wonders if she isn't really an evil media mogul going home every night to count her loot.
Time management can go out the window when you have kids but it is important to not let yourself be overwhelmed. (Easier said than done, I know) All the minutes of wasted time can really add up and take away from your time to do what you want. Although a waste of time to someone is a good use of time to another. Just do be on go mode all day, put yourself on relax mode to.
I too wonder about whether some of Oprah’s viewers are addicted to her advice. Many of them are smart, well educated women that know Oprah doesn’t have the key to their lives but are interested in keeping up with her show. The best advice Oprah can give a few of her viewers is to stop watching her show looking for the “answer.”
As someone who "can't take a day off", I can relate to Oprah's day off. I sometimes look forward to going to work so I can get away from the house and all the chores: laundry, cleaning, etc. If I try to take a half hour to just read a book or knit, I have to fight the feeling of guilt. I think a lot of women have that going on, the feeling that there just aren't enough hours in the day and that it's decadent or selfish to take time to do "nothing".
I just listened to a great episode of "Speaking of Faith" on NPR this weekend that brought up the idea that humans require time off to ward off illness related to stress. You can listen to it from here: http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/2008/stress/
hi robyn! its robin from the tile world. jim told me about this amazing project and encouraged me to write in when i was feeling hestitant. i've only read bits and pieces but am intrigued by your observation and research into an enormously encompassing culture shaper. your observations are a very interesting analysis! thanks for sharing your experience. one last thing, i noticed in your accounting log that you were trying to choose a bedroom colour. according to Angi Ma Wong, prolific authority on feng shui (do's and don'ts is on of her books) blue-grey is a taboo. go with warm colours -pinks and reds, but stay way from peach, in the bedroom. also, you want to minimalize the # of powerstrips in the boudoir, tv, ipod, laptop... and no plants either, or fish, or fountains.
Angi Ma Wong was on Oprah. At least once.
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