Today's show was about fathers/husbands who have become women. Something I think we can all relate to.
I thought it was interesting, but I wasn't too drawn in, I'll admit. I appreciate Oprah is trying to spread acceptance of all people through her show. In the old days of "Oprah," this would have been a very sensational topic, but since the early 90s or so, she's really used her platform in a different way. Love your fellow man. I can't argue.
I felt the need to talk a bit more about yesterday's topic because I am so conflicted by it. One one hand, I like "stuff" as much as the next self-respecting capitalist. I like seeing stuff, I like imagining I could have cooler stuff, I like looking at other people's stuff. But you know what? Even though I often feel this way, I know it's completely unhealthy for me. Not always, but frequently, it makes me operate from a place of want. It can draw me from gratitude, and lead me to a place of envy. I really don't think I'm alone here. Drooling over how the other half lives is what happens to many of us when we look at magazines and see $5000 purses, perfect looking bodies, impeccable homes. When I look at these items, I have a similar experience as I did when I listened to fairy tales as a kid. They draw me away from reality.
Lately, Oprah's topics indicate that this country is in dire straits, battling the diseases of overspending, waste and disconnection from our fellow man. So to move from a topic like poverty in America to a show that glorifies shoes that a tiny percentage of people can afford is like putting a plate of brownies in front of a diabetic.
I believe we're brainwashed into thinking this is normal. But, what if we invented and supported a new normal in the media? One that didn't depend on advertisers dangling Bulgari watches and red-soled shoes in front of our eyes. How might that change our culture? Or economy? Or health?
Sure, you might be one of the healthy, well-adjusted individuals who isn't magnetized into fantasizing how the wealthy live. But, with so many of us weaklings around you, some who drive the economy into ashes with their desire to live above their means, couldn't we act responsibly as a culture to change the system and strengthen our country? Maybe we can start a revolution and fix these problems with our actions, instead of waiting for our government to untangle itself from its own red tape to do so.
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27 comments:
Very good points LO. At times it seems as though we are our own worst enemy-while we know it's bad for us, more often times than now we indulge in our guilty pleasures thus promoting them-feeding an addiction.
While on one hand is to say that those who are living beyond their means are a bit irresponsible (lacking money management skills) and that is their choice but we are all connected in the great circle of American Economy and are paying for others irresponsibilities...we are all connected and at the same time everybody is out for themselves.
I do love this post. Maybe because it echoes the way I see the world.
Very well said.
I do love this post. Maybe because it echoes the way I see the world.
Very well said.
This is one of those episodes that my tivo net catches, but I throw back. yawn.
As for the material world...our cultural identity is built around the idea that we can have it all, and by all we mean nice things and super thin bods. Success is measured by outward appearances, the size of your house, the size of your waist. If some poor schlub appears happy despite their Super Target shoes and fat behind they'll be gently herded by caring individuals toward a therapist for some much needed analysis.
I've decided to blame advertisers for this global sucker-punch, but then I have to take some responsibility for being so feeble minded as to be taken in my billboards and magazine covers and I don't like that.
My husband says I'm a sucker for packaging...like I'll buy a book based on the pretty pink cover...I'm easily distracted by glitter and sparkly things that promise to be amazing. Oh, well. The first step is recognizing you have a problem.
Let's be honest, the media dishes what we eat up. So, you're right: if we demand different or better we'd probably get it because news/entertainment (hard to distinguish sometimes) only cares about money, so where the cha-ching is they will follow.
But can I still love Hello Kitty?
And BTW, my husband calls Oprah "Sacred Cow" and her audience sheep. Hmmm....I'm starting to think he hates women....
Lots of things I think of often. We are definately victims of our culture. In Europe, Asia, etc... people have a few nice quality, maybe expensive, items and that is enough. Maybe they have 5 pairs of 200- dollar shoes, buts thats all they have! Its hard to re-shape yourself to think this way, although I've been trying!
It's amazing what determination can do. I'm thinking of a story I read several months ago, when some Chicagoans were protesting a Wal-Mart while others were trying to flag it down for their neighborhood. The Chinese people don't pay retail at Wal-Mart in China. You can go into a Wal-Mart in China and BARGAIN. And, Chinese people on average save 40% of their incomes! Can we not learn something here?
Frankly, I think I've personally found the solution to what you describe. And that is to get the hell out of the country.
You can do long term travel on the cheap and it's something Americans simply don't do as much as our friends across the pond and beyond do. Rolf Potts is a great guy to google and read about for Americans interested in doing this.
Anyway, I've been backpacking for weeks/months at a time for the past 6 years (and yes you can do this and have a job see: Rolf Potts). The experience always jolts me out of my sphere of influence and makes me think and behave in more simple, elemental ways. For example, in places like India, the name of the game is survival. How you going to get from point A to point B? What are you going to eat? Where will you sleep that night? When you train your brain to just accomplish and worry about these things for for months or even 2-4 weeks every year, it becomes a habit to just focus on that stuff and enjoy your life as it unfolds while you're you're making these plans. However, my born and bred inner Capitalist does start setting in after some time home...'I'd like this'...'They have this...'but that only means one thing: I need to backpack again.
As long as I stay in that "neither here nor there" mental state of flux I usually do OK with focusing on the important stuff. So, most of the time I don't give a rat's about what I have (instead I become a vulture for deals and try to "haggle" prices on just about everything because I'm so used to doing it overseas). Plus, it kind of connects you with how the most of the world lives, anyway.
What an 'oh-so-Oprah' thing to say though....! HA!
We are being told by marketers that we don't just want these things, that we don't just need these things but we are entitled to them. It's the culture of entitlement that created the mortgage crisis (from the top down). If we don't have a Prada bag (even a knock off), we become suspect. Do we not work hard enough? Do we not know quality? Do we not love ourselves enough?
Americans have sacrificed. It was during the Depression and World War II and it was behavior that was encouraged from the top. It was behavior that created the strongest middle class the world had ever seen in the 50s and 60s.
The current administration is bankrupting the American economy and that behavior is being aped by the public.
If Oprah with her worldwide soapbox, would regularly discuss the problems with our economy in an historical context and dangle less pretty things in front of us maybe her dream would come true and Barack Obama will sail into the White House on a tidal wave of support. We need the change he's talking about, that your talking and that I do believe Oprah wants to see. Another republican administration is not going to ask us to sacrifice anything other than our jobs, our savings, our homes and our children's futures.
Whoa, speaking of soapboxes...sorry to get all bloggy on your comment page.
I thought this blog would either be a harsh indictment of Oprah and her merchandising, self-promoting ways, or a blog that desperately tries to be witty and non-serious diary of someone trying to catch onto the next trend.
I'm glad to read a rational and down-to-earth comment such as this. Great going!
She gets away with those killer shoes without a reprimand from Dr. Oz?
jurl, I think I read somewhere that books targeting women are increasingly using candy-themed covers and it does make women buy them even if the topic is completely unrelated!
Hey LO --
I have to relate back to the show about husbands becoming women and give Oprah her due for addressing the issue.
Though, as you joked, it isn't easy to relate to, I had the pleasure of meeting and working with Jenny Boylan, the woman whose son wrote the letter that Oprah read at the show's opening. Ms. Boylan has written a couple of books about her experiences, most notably to me, I'm Looking Through You. My creative writing students read the memoir and were able to meet the author and talk about the subject. For them and for me, it was a invaluable lesson on discrimination and understanding for an issue that most of us don't understand. As sceptical as I am about much of what Oprah "preaches," I have to give her due for bringing an issue like this to soccer moms across the country. Clearly our country is doing some growing and changing and, in this instance, Oprah is being a positive part of that movement -- American families do differ. I'm glad she offered a platform for the discussion. I couldn't take another show about muffin tops from tight jeans or Nate telling me I need a sand dollar in my bathroom.
Stuff is how we are distracted from the real things in life and what we could be doing to make life better for everyone, not just ourselves.
I can't ever watch those 'favorite things' or the shows focused on consumer goods because I get angry when I watch them. I do not consider myself poor or deprived, but I cannot fathom why a pair of $800+ shoes are supposed to make me feel like a better person or even 'better' at all. I love fun shoes, and I love comfy shoes, but I think there's only so much fun a pair of shoes can bring you, and my limit for that kind of fun is around $150 (and only for comfy, stylish shoes that I will wear *out*). Hooray for the people who can buy those shoes, but that just isn't most of us. AND WE ARE NOT DEPRIVED BECAUSE OF IT.
I don't mind being advised when something is actually worth the money (like the no-iron Brooks Brothers shirt). But Oprah admits that she can't even walk down the stairs in those cute shoes, how can they actually be worth the money? That doesn't sound like a fun pampering splurge to me; it sounds like a setup for unhappiness on so many levels.
Excellent points. I love O magazine, but I buy it so infrequently because she has all these beautiful things that will always be out of my reach.
I have been enjoying your blog very much. I found it after reading the NYT article, which was also very good.
Tracy in NY
Back to your lead in...I *can't* relate to the man who is a father and/or husband changing his sex midstream. (For the record, I am not an evangelical Christian, nor represent any established religious point of view.)
While it might not be a shocking talk show topic in this day and age, I find it the kind of topic today's TV lives for and subsequently exploits the people involved.
I think what you're doing is interesting and turns a spotlight on the dichotomy that is Oprah. I'm wondering, though, if you will resolve it for yourself by the end of your year's experiment in LO.
Hi:
I read your blog for the first time this week. I heard a little of your interview on US99 this week and was intrigued by the concept. It is an interesting goal to set for yourself-doing all things Oprah for a year. One of the comments you made on the radio is that we give Oprah so much power. I am not sure what type of power you meant. Is it the power to influence our choices and actions? To a certain extent, I think she encourages us to use our own power by selecting find valuable to us on her show or rejecting what we don’t. I don’t think she is encourages us to be slavish followers. As you mentioned on the radio, you have gained clarity about what is important to you. I can also say that. There are some Oprah shows that I fully embrace and there are some I say “Nah, not feeling that” and turn the channel.
In today’s post, you mentioned that we need a revolution. Knowing what you know about the power of one person to change the world (per Opran), will we be hearing from you about the start of the revolution?
I look forward to the new season of Oprah and to your reflections.
I agree here with you.
I get so tired of...STUFF.
I am limiting myself to clothes and good food. Enough of both but not overindulging in either.
My home is clutter-free and I love it. I feel that I can focus on the things I love: spending time with family, reading, taking walks, traveling. I'll spend my time and money on those things, I can do with one pair of good, nice shoes and forgoe all the Oprah faves.
Good point, though why are we waiting for the government to fix this stuff at all? That would mean what, waiting for the FCC to make a decision that's anti-capitalist about conscientious advertising during feel good TV shows? And just how much of a nanny state would that make it?
Why don't we start observing these incongruent message and translate that knowledge into action in our own lives, instead of thinking that someone, somewhere will fix it for us?
I love your blog! I started reading it a week ago and have read the entire thing, can't wait until the new season starts up with Oprah :)
Your fame has extended past the USA, the NYT article appeared in my city newspaper here in Alberta, Canada today.
I've noticed every time socialism is brought up in the comments section that it is shot down as a system where people don't have choices or are coddled like children. Canada is more socialist than USA and it isn't like that here. We have all the same choices you do, we can still become rich if we want to, we have many of the same opportunities as you.
The difference is we pay for different things in our taxes. If I am sick I go to the doctor for free. If I need hospitalization I get it at no cost. My son recently had his appendix taken out, he was given surgery within 24 hours of us being in the emergency room (the reason for the wait was a child had his appendix burst and needed attention sooner). We paid nothing for the surgery, hospital stay, emergency room or extras like the Playstation and tv.
We have a full year of maternity leave that we get paid for if we were working the year prior to the birth. After the birth we get a Child Tax Benefit every month based on income, number of children and single or married parents.
Our school system is also run by the government. All the schools have the same level of education and building maintenance (one Oprah show indicated a school in LA where the toilets didn't work - ick). But if you want you can pay for private schooling - which has the same curriculum as the public schools. All of our schools prepare the children for University entrance, no one enters College or University to discover they weren't taught the level of math they need (another Oprah show on how unprepared students were for University and had to take additional courses to get caught up. These were the honor students not prepared).
I know I was raised in this system so I find it excellent, and many Americans probably find their system excellent. I'm just saying the socialist idea isn't as confining as it's made out to be in your media.
On the Oprah Dichotomy - I think that may be the effect of her finally realizing how much money she has. Maybe she's forgotten her roots? Maybe she's so far above her viewers financially that she can no longer relate? Maybe she has a consultant telling her what the public wants to hear about? Something has changed though, her shows had more consistency before, more follow-ups on issues (whatever happened to Bob's Best Life?), and less fluffy, gadgety, expensive toys and star-plugging shows. I can't wait for the new season, now that LO has opened my eyes about the show.
Ooops, I just noticed I'm standing on a soapbox, I apologize, I just wanted to give my two cents. LO has definitely made me think and question instead of just watch.
Hi, I love your blog. I watch Oprah and find much inspiration in it. But get sick of all the "worshipping" of Oprah in the shows, from both her viewers and guests. (Is everybodys life goal to get on the Oprah show, and then you can lie down and die?) You add a critical (and fun) voice to it. Thanks!
Norwegian girl.
Hi, I love your blog. I watch Oprah and find much inspiration in it. But get sick of all the "worshipping" of Oprah in the shows, from both her viewers and guests. (Is everybodys life goal to get on the Oprah show, and then you can lie down and die?) You add a critical (and fun) voice to it. Thanks!
Norwegian girl.
I am a new subscriber to your blog, thanks to your appearance on the Bob Rivers Show here in Seattle -- love those guys. I have dubbed my mother a "member of the Church of Oprah", and I'm getting a little tired of her trying to solve everything in my life via Oprah. I used to like Oprah myself, but I just can't take it anymore. Right now it's all about this particular Menopause book. "In my menopause book it says you should...." I just had a baby 6 months ago -- not quite at menopause yet. She spends $70/month to buy 'soy shakes' suggested in said book, but won't get high speed internet because the price is "outrageous!". I could go on forever about it, but....Love your blog, will read faithfully, link to it from my own blog, etc....
I dated an heiress to a $150million fortune for 9 months, and I saw how the other half lives during that time. I would never, ever want that lifestyle for myself. I dumped her, and I hope I never become rich.
Why? Because freedom and integrity is worth a lot more than $5,000 handbags and Ferraris. A LOT more.
sonia - yup - we're definitely all connected. but, then again, we're also encouraged to take care of "numero uno" so there's a pretty big conflict!
nat - thanks so much!
jurl - i am totally in the same boat with packaging. it's so evil and brilliant! i am surprised at your adoration of all things Hello Kitty. please don't tell me you wear a tiny backpack wherever you go! your husband is a big O fan, huh?
anon - i am trying to do the same thing - have fewer NICE items rather than lots of crapola. i still have a ways to go...
paula - i just learned that during the olympic coverage! that's so cool...maybe i'll try to haggle at the drugstore when i pick up my prescriptions...
sarah - when you return, do you find yourself more grateful or more frustrated with what you see in the States?
american girl - stay on your soap box! just make sure there's space for me up there. i agree with what you've said. we're being manipulated, but we're also totally complicit in the manipulation.
anon - thank you SO much. i'm thrilled that i've not let you down!
anon - i KNOW! maybe dr. oz only tells her what she wants to hear. she does sign quite a few pay checks for him, i'm sure.
ILUVONJ - OMG - i totally put a sand dollar in my bathroom as a result of Nate's advice during this project. how embarrassing. luckily my cat smashed it to smithereens. i need more sealife in there now. but to more important issues - i agree - Oprah is absolutely introducing topics to groups that otherwise would be unaware of them. i think this is a really positive part of her show.
anniegirl1138 - but is our culture prepared to turn away from stuff? it seems so anti-American in some ways. we're taught to view things as marks of success and satisfaction.
daphne - i agree with you completely...although i'm WAY cheaper than you when it comes to shoes. i think it has to do with the fact that i work barefoot...
Tracy in NY - i'm so glad you wrote. her magazine is definitely growing on me a bit. i'll admit i'm excited to crack open the September edition. nervous, though, since i have no idea what it'll add to my list!
wildwoodwaitress - great question - i sure hope i'm able to come to some resolution. i can't imagine everything will be tied up in a neat little bow, but i hope to have some answers!
anon - oh great - glad you heard the US99 interview. yes - i am referring to her widespread influence - her power to convince people to try, buy, read, and eat what she "loves" - just look how items FLY off the shelves when she has them on her show. hmmm...great question about the "revolution" - i think i'm starting a conversation now...i'm hoping that we'll all be able to snowball it into something empowering for women. allowing us to turn our focus inward and away from the media's influence.
anon - before this project started - i did the same thing. basically, my husband and i decided our luxury was restaurants. we didn't fritter money in other areas, but we like good food. i always believe when i'm living simply, i'm living happier.
anon - HOORAY SISTER! (or brother? sorry, can't gleen your gender from your comment! :) anyway - yes - so how can we collectively make this happen. it's a lovely thought, but is it possible to make this work? maybe even a ONE DAY buy nothing, watching nothing, read no magazine thing. what do you think? could women all over the country be convinced?!
robin - one of my cats growing up was named Alberta, because my family loved it there. glad my story made it to you! i really love hearing how grateful you are for your country's care of its citizens. i hope one day i feel as if i'm as important to my own government as you are to yours. also - i am thrilled to bits and pieces that my project has made you think critically about the show. what an amazing compliment!! please do continue to add your thoughts...it's nice to hear a non-USA perspective.
Norwegian girl - ha! i know! when people get on her show and say that it was their ultimate goal in life to be on Oprah, i practically fall out of my chair. let's keep our ambitions loftier than that, shall we?!
abby - you are HILARIOUS and so is your mom. you might just need to write a sitcom. i'd watch. thanks so much for letting me know you heard me on Bob Rivers! how wonderful!
anon - a friend of mine just asked for your ex's phone number. he's so shallow. and i really am impressed that $$ didn't keep you in the relationship. i've never been close enough to that much money to see the dark side of it, but i watched Dynasty in the 80s. was it like that?
xoLO
The "live authentically"-"buy $1,000 shoes" contradiction is at the heart of Oprah. She has so much influence and power because she's been COMMERCIALLY successful. So, while her success affords her some leverage and choices re her show's topics (spirituality, humanitarian concerns), she still cannot ignore the business/commercial side of it. She has said she will not continue the show after her contract runs out in the next few years -- I often wonder if her "views" will change after that. Probably not, since she'll still have the magazine, radio shows, tv network, etc., etc. even if she no longer has the Oprah Show. But in her heart of hearts --does she ponder the craziness of the "don't be wasteful" one day and "buy 150 unnecessary, overpriced items because they're my Favorite Stuff" on another?
Hi livingO! It's Sarah the traveler...after my first few trips abroad I would come back and really try and explain to people my experiences so they could understand the incredible things I'd seen and experienced. After a while I stopped trying to do this because I realized that people who don't partake in extended travel or really backpack have no reference point, idea, or even interest in the the things I experienced. It's not personal...it's just that for most Americans extended travel experiences are so far removed from their daily lives and the things they know to be true in their own social/psychological worlds. At first it frustrated me that people simply could not connect with my experiences beyond kind of a superficial "Wow that's awesome/cool!," but then I just sort of gave up on trying to bring people into the crazy world of true backpacking.
I still wish more Americans would do it--and to know it you have to DO it. There is really no other way. It's one of those weird things you can't explain, you just have to be on the inside of to get. And I'm not all about proselytizing either...which is a mistake Elizabeth Gilbert makes, I think. Thus, I'm not proclaiming anything from the moutain top...living it privately is enough and if someone sniffs around enough they will find it themselves, too.
And that's the thing with travel too...you don't go and find IT like Gilbert says..you really just go and...kind of sniff around...without really looking for anything...and that's when you just might (MIGHT) find something...but it's all about the sniffin' not the findin'...
So now after trips I just feel more and more separate from mainstream America. I'm not trying to force connections anymore. And this is what I think Oprah tries too desperately to do--force connections, meaning, or enlightenment. It's kind of a neat little pattern Americans especially like to utilize to feel in control :) (IMHO). If someone wants to inquire about what I do I am more than happy to talk about it --- but my experiences usually tend to stay under the radar.
As far as feeling grateful --- yes I do tend to feel quite grateful that I was simply born in a place that gives me far more rights and freedoms than many, many other places on earth. But I also try to not get all elitist about that either, "Oh I am so THANKFUL to be an American..." I also like to keep in check what I DON'T have as an American as well...
But my view on America is more mature after every travel stint. Though more and more travel makes me feel less connected with my fellow countrymen and women, paradoxically, I feel I've become much more attunted to the positives of my country. These are things I probably would have not known to exist before getting the hell out of the country :).
And just to leave on a positive note...one of those positives I notice are that Americans have the some of the biggest hearts on this planet. Even though I roll my eyes when Oprah cries or gets excited about something ridiculous, I realize she genuinely feels she's making a difference and she feels she's making a connection. And so be it. I may be a skeptical, world weary female Larry David, but that doesn't mean I can't recognize all the good things many, many Americans, aim towards.
Geez, that was really a rant! Oops!!
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